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Monday, May 9, 2011

One Must Stay, One Must Go

Of the things I have inherited from my parents, the one from my father, and from his his father too, that has been the most bewildering, is extremely vivid dreams that very often come true.

My most prophetic dreams occur in the moments before I wake up. This was given to me in late October of last year yet I remember it as if I have just awoken.

One Must Stay. One Must Go.

The setting was sepia-toned and had the look and feel of an old 40's style office..very film noir. There was a pebble-glass door, again film noir--detective type feel. (This is probably because I have often been told I should have been born in that era and am very attracted to it, as well as the films, actors, art and fashion of that age.)

The room was warm, pale glowing golden with weighty mahogany appointments and lit with both warm overhead and low natural light.

The dentist was tall and willowy with short dark red hair in a pixie cut. She was yet another fairy that appears in my dreams. I was actually surprised that there was another fairy, to be honest...and like all fairies says little, expects you to follow them, and are mischievous. In my case, fairies also ask to follow me and bring them along and I do-- although that was not the case in this dream, I had a great deal of autonomy. I was still the captain of my own destiny...still deciding....not following blindly by any means. We were more colleagues than anything.

She had large twinkling brown eyes and spoke rarely, choosing her words but was warm, receptive and responsive.

Dressed in a subtle masculine way it only accented her femininity. If anything her style was to infer a gentle assurance and authority. "I'm here to offer or suggest what's best for you."

We bonded immediately and were discussing someone I cared for, how I felt, how he did and where we stood. On the surface it was idle chit-chat but she was listening intently.

She completed the routine cleaning, sat back and smiled and said, "What are we here for?"

I explained my chronic dental issue (which was occurring in RL by the way) with two molars and summed up, One Must Stay. One Must Go.

She nodded and said, get yourself comfortable and we'll look at it. She crossed the room to a couch and I disrobed down to my bra and panties. It was very natural. She was unfazed.

I sat down on a stool by her and leaned back and she examined. We discussed very briefly the two teeth. One Must Stay. One Must Go.

Both could not remain. Both could not be extracted. I told her which one I wanted and explained why. She was satisfied and agreed.

She stood up and crossed the room and sat behind her big mahogany desk and took a piece of paper and began to write. She folded it up and handed it to me (I was then sitting with her) and said, "When you get there, look up my colleague, Dr. so-and-so." She then smiled wistfully and walked out of the room, closing the glass-pebble door behind her.

I sat there in her office and began to read.

It was an archived dialogue (somewhat like YahooIM) between herself and this person I cared for. In it he showed a romantic interest in her but she gently turned him down telling him to keep move on...

Some of the words she said to him (Her name was Robin) were:

There are bigger things.
Better things.

It's not me.
I am not right for you.
There is someone else who is.

She needed to show me this dialogue between them in order to pay off some karmic debt on her part. She owed it to both of us.

I never knew what the dream meant and things did not work out between that man and I, but I spoke of it to an intuitive friend and she said, well the key to it all is, 'Who is Robin?'
The only Robins I knew were actually all certifiably violently mentally ill women one of which was Spouse's ex-wife and I noted that to my friend and she said, 'Ah-haaaaa....This means she was 'giving him to you' but I sense it was only temporary. You're only meant to be in each other's life for a time of healing perhaps but by the time the healing has occurred both of you will move on.' We ended our conversation and I was still uneasy. I consider myself very open-minded and spiritual but this was a little too woo-woo even for me and something else felt off.

It bothered me for some time and I asked everyone I knew if I missed any Robins and none could think of any until I was spending a day with a best friend who had originally been my supervisor at my last job and she was stumped too and like a lightning bolt it suddenly occurred to me who Robin was.

She was the new Human Resources director at the company when I came back briefly to see if I was able to handle working with my chronic fatigue and continuing recovery. I remember how she was quite taken with me, and I with her and I had stepped into her office to say hello and she told  me that I was a sort of legend in the place and was finally delighted to have me to herself. 
We ended up bonding and talking for four straight hours and at one point she was taken aback by something I had said seemingly flippant but more in my mind, depreciating and wry, which was that I probably wouldn't last long there as much as I wanted to stay because my future was taking me somewhere beyond my wildest dreams although I didn't know the wherefore's or why's. She was struck by this, she said, because upon meeting me it was completely believable.

I had forgotten the entire conversation until my friend and I began to discuss something totally unrelated and it all came back like a flashback to the future.