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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

I'm the best and everybody else sucks: for Auditions

     I watched the documentary  "Every Little Step" the other night. if you haven't seen it, it's about the creation of the original and the casting of a revival of "A Chorus Line". Excellent Film. See it.

    But it reminded me of something. I hate Auditions. I hate them with every fibre of my being down to a cellular level. I hate auditioning as an actor for a part, and I hate having to watch them. I'm not ambivalent about the audition process, Okay?

     I don't like what the audition process does to people. Specifically Me. I understand it, but I don't like it.

     For those of you not involved in theatre, I suppose I should clarify, there's a headspace that actors have to get into at an audition.  The short version is "I'm the best and everybody else sucks". You will see this more at a callback than an initial audition. Initial auditions are about "Can I get a callback", which is probably the first time you will get a chance to do the part you came out for. So at initial audition the actor will be polite, do a couple of jokes, be modest and do the best performance they can in 2 minutes. The good ones wait until they're outside to start  berating themselves about how they fucked up, the bad ones do it in the room. I've done both.

     It's at the callbacks where the knives come out. I'm the best and everybody else sucks... You watch the competition, you see what they're doing right and what they're doing wrong, or not doing at all, and thinking I can beat that and raise it. I found myself thinking that at more than one audition and it scared the crap out of me. I am quite aware of myself and I know I am not the best. I'm good, but I'm not the best. There really is no best. But part of acting is fooling yourself too, and for as long as it takes, you do. I don't like that side of me. It's one of the reasons I stopped acting for a long time.

That and I hate learning lines.

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