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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

What do I do now?

This is how it always starts. He asks me how to do something. I have his full attention. I begin with short easy steps. Offer to write a list, a diagram, perhaps a flowchart...do we need to do a karmic convergence or something...no no no...everything is fine. Ten minutes later he trots back in, breathlessly. 'Okay, I put the water in the pot, a little bit of salt, oil (I said no oil but whatever) and put the burner on medium. What next?'

'What happened to the next four things I said you should do?' Silence. Chagrin. I bite my lip. 'It's okay...Next: you....." and it goes on and on and on. I taught him how to cook from the couch while I was sick (me, couch/him, kitchen) and he's become a damned good cook. Before me he ate boiled chicken and unseasoned white rice three times a day, seven days a week without variation for years. He's a damn good student and we all have to start somewhere.

To bad I can't take my own advice.

My brand new Inspiron shit the bed. I loathe Windows 7 which it came loaded with and can be heard screaming in frustration all the way down the quiet mountain where usually bunnies and gophers frolic in peaceful silence save the buzzing of the punctual mayflies and ground bees. I complain to Uber-Geek and he asks patiently, 'Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?' I look at him as if he just sprouted a horn on his forehead. "Do I LOOK that stupid to you? Never mind. I know the answer.' He says, hands held out in supplication. He's seen me fling more than one keyboard across a room. 'Just hand it over to me. I'll load XP and you'll never have to worry about this again.'

I eye him suspiciously. "How long?" Negotiations begin in earnest.
"Four hours, tops,' He says, feeling me out....I don't trust him. I won't give him my passwords. He'll know too much. I'd have to kill him. I suck at mopping bloody floors...I debate. Bite my lip. "Hey,' his face brightens, 'You still have that little pink netbook....you can go online from there....you won't be totally cut-off....' his words grow fainter as I consider.

I think...baby steps...baby steps....if he can learn to boil penne and bowties and make a mean gravy (that's tomato sauce for all you non-Italians) ...can I learn to defrag my laptop BY MYSELF or am I going to bite the bullet and trust a seasoned pc engineer with MY PRECIOUS?

Not today. But I think thinking about it is remarkable progress for me so I'm chalking that up to a new beginning.

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